The usually unbiased Aussie cricket media has decided to foist a new meme on the cricket world at large. "We are announcing an initiative called National Pitch Doctoring month," said the leader Daniel Brettig, who is known in cricket circles as the most unbiased cricket journalist from Australia who writes on Cricinfo and has not played international cricket and who has a first name of Daniel and a last name of Brettig.
"While people may point out inconvenient things such as the fact that Aussies have won 0 and lost 8 out of the last 10 tests they have played in India, as well as had a record of 2-5 between 1996 and 2001, we can always use the lucky win in 2004 to talk about our record as if we were unquestionably the best side ever."
"In India, there is always too much spin. In the UAE, it is just not enough. Surely you would admit that if we were facing spinners who do not possess much guile and can spin the ball exactly between 15 and 30 degrees, we can easily dominate them. While the rest of the cricket world might laugh at this lack of skill, my job is to ensure that the Aussie cricket media manages to blame the pitch with a straight face"
"I would also like to call out the yeoman services of the cricketers themselves who clearly have no shame of being labelled unsporting by buying into this notion. Until we learn how to win on spinning wickets, I have instructed them to use the "pitch doctoring" card to delude themselves and sustain their unwarranted confidence in their own abilities. The National Pitch doctoring month is but a celebration of monumental Aussie jingoism"
 |
| Daniel Brettig: Leader and organizer of the "National Pitch Doctoring month" |
"The aim of this initiative is to discreetly insert words and sentences into opinion pieces masquerading as analysis. The sentences usually directly or indirectly hint that any pitch where the Aussies don't have a snowball's chance in hell, is declared as a doctored pitch. It is also very important that people be made to understand that such pitches are not natural but rather carefully manipulated for the sole intent of presenting the Australian cricket team in the worst light"
"Here is a before and after example from Ponting.
While there can be no doubt that the conditions stymie the way Australia play, it is a matter of working with those circumstances rather than fighting them.
After careful editorial review, the above line was changed as follows:
While there can be no doubt that the conditions are designed to stymie the way Australia play, it is a matter of working with those circumstances rather than fighting them.Coming from a former great, such statements are automatically given credibility."
"While people may point out inconvenient things such as the fact that Aussies have won 0 and lost 8 out of the last 10 tests they have played in India, as well as had a record of 2-5 between 1996 and 2001, we can always use the lucky win in 2004 to talk about our record as if we were unquestionably the best side ever."
"In India, there is always too much spin. In the UAE, it is just not enough. Surely you would admit that if we were facing spinners who do not possess much guile and can spin the ball exactly between 15 and 30 degrees, we can easily dominate them. While the rest of the cricket world might laugh at this lack of skill, my job is to ensure that the Aussie cricket media manages to blame the pitch with a straight face"
"I would also like to call out the yeoman services of the cricketers themselves who clearly have no shame of being labelled unsporting by buying into this notion. Until we learn how to win on spinning wickets, I have instructed them to use the "pitch doctoring" card to delude themselves and sustain their unwarranted confidence in their own abilities. The National Pitch doctoring month is but a celebration of monumental Aussie jingoism"
